Sunday, August 14, 2011

12 Steps to Cleaning Your Room in Your Own Damn Time - With Pics and Video!

That hamper is trying so hard...
Step 1: Declare that your room is "a disgrace" and that your mother "can't believe you live like this."

Yes I have finished unpacking my dorm stuff...shut up...
Step 2: Calculate exactly how many more days you can continue living like this. Add three more days.

Step 3: On the appointed day, set aside at least six hours of productive daylight within which you can complete your project. Instead, change into your cleaning clothes and dick around on YouTube until the sun goes down.

You want the room to have that "about to collapse in on you" feeling.
Step 4: Make a kickass cleaning playlist. Preferably one that includes songs you haven't downloaded yet.

Step 5: Take a Nutella break.

Step 6: Stare mournfully at your mess until you figure out the easiest thing to clean first. This is probably whatever takes up the most room, like laundry, and furniture that has tipped over or shifted during takeoff.

Step 7: Before accomplishing the quick and simple tasks that would lead to finishing faster, you should find one of your collections and organize it with a frightening and possibly OCD amount of precision. Hey, it is extremely important that your earrings are arranged by weight and that your nail polish bottles display a double rainbow.

Y'know, if the rainbow was mostly pink. 
Step 8: Take a smoothie break.

Step 9: Make piles. This may seem counter-productive, but it's super helpful to make a pile of clean clothes, a pile of dirty clothes, and a pile of I-could-probably-legally-wear-this-one-last-time clothes. You may have aspirations to fold or hang up the clean pile, but you won't.

Step 10: Crawl around your room with an empty Walmart bag and search for garbage. Wow that's a lot of receipts. Do you just dump your purse out on the floor? Where do all these clothing tags come from? I can't believe you didn't even finish that candy bar...what a waste.

Pwease don't throw me away! 
Step 11: Take a kitty break.

Seriously? You're taking another break? 
Step 12: Grab all the random, miscellaneous, and uncategorizable paraphernalia that has accumulated in your room and find hiding places for it. This is like a reverse treasure hunt, and can be especially fun six months from now when you clean your room again and discover it all. OMG there's a digital camera in this boot! Fun!

Step 13: Kick out the stowaways. There are WAY too many things in your room that don't belong. You probably didn't even take them in. They were abandoned by evil house gremlins that wish messiness upon you. Why else would you have twelve glasses of half-evaporated water on your nightstand?

Tuck me in please
Step 12: Do fancy things that you would normally never do, like vacuuming, dusting, or making your bed. Hell, spray some fruity air freshener if you want, throw a sprig of lavender on the pillow. Your room will only be this nice for about thirty more minutes, might as well milk it while you can.

The monster is no longer UNDER the bed
And you're done! Good job, you managed to half-ass it just enough to not break a sweat, yet it's clean enough to pass inspection for another month. Now go post unnecessary blogs and videos about this momentous occasion. Go!


  1. The video was for sure the best part. I loved it. I especially loved watching Oliver take up more and more room on your floor as space became available. Miss you and your messy/clean room

  2. <3 thanks. Haha yeah all the pet stuff was a surprise for me watching the video. Miss you too! Yay in a few weeks i can write a Visiting Shire blogggg....